Trickster Tales: April Fool’s by Rae Rose

I love mischief and well played pranks, therefore I love April fool’s day! It is a day when the natural prankster (Me!) can lay out mischief all within the spirit of the day. A natural trickster at heart it is the day that suits me best. Memories for the making, from laughter shared. This story is about my best ever April fool’s prank and my downfall as the number one prankster.

A little background on this story is that I have worked graveyard for 13 years. It seems my brain becomes more demented and mischievous the sleepier I get. I think this is my way of warding off exhaustion, or at least that is my excuse and I am sticking to it. My husband can be very serious and is easy to tease so he became my favorite target.

Wendy, please don’t forget I need you to pee on the stick for me.” I remind Wendy as she slowly waddles down the hall. Wendy blushes a little and laughs. Heavily pregnant with her first child, she is due in just 3 weeks.

Are you sure you want to do this?” She asks rubbing her swollen belly.

Oh yes, this will be the best April fool’s joke ever!” I exclaim rubbing my hands together in anticipation.

Wendy reaches into her pocket and pulls out a sealed lab bag with a positive pregnancy test tucked innocently inside.

Yippee! I cannot wait!” I exclaim excited beyond words to torment my lovable hubby. “Thank you! Thank you!” I hug her we are both laughing now.

I want to hear every detail tonight when I get back.” Wendy demands laughing as she disappears into the elevator.

Oh yes, my cute hubby is going down today. Yeah! Now that I have everything to lay out my prank I head home with a positive pregnancy test in my back scrub pocket. Oh boy here we go. Pulling up to the house I put my game face on and step out to execute my plans.

Slipping into the house, I go through my routine as usual. Only this time as I leave the bathroom to go to bed I leave the positive test lying carelessly by the sink. The bio-hazard bag discreetly wrapped in tissue and hidden under the sink. My husband and kids are not yet up and moving as I slip into my bed. A smile of anticipation on my lips as I slip into happy devious dreams.

Rae! Rae!” I wake up to my husband screaming my name. He found it.

I am coming.” I yell trying to innocently feign ignorance.

Running into the kitchen I find my husband standing there the positive pregnancy test in his hand. The look on his face stricken with fear and confusion makes me feel a little bit bad? Or is it bewilderment? Either way, It is comical. He is holding the test at arms length like it is a venomous snake he found ready to strike.

My eyes widen as I try not to break out laughing.

I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.” I said trying my best to look like a deer caught in the headlights.

His eyes meet mine, I almost feel bad for him, but it is just too hilarious. Oh damn! The laughter I have been holding in breaks the surface until I can barely stand I am laughing so hard. “Can’t breath!” I gasp out tears of mirth streaming down my cheeks.

Happy April fool’s Day!” I gasp, still laughing too hard to breath.

My husband is laughing now. He is swearing revenge, but I know he has forgiven me, in his own way he understands my twisted humor. He might be as sick and twisted as I am. Poor hubby of mine.

I go back to bed for a while happy the prank was so well pulled off and enjoyed.

That night at work sitting at the 5 East nurses station we all have a wonderful laugh over the genius of my April fool’s prank. Lily (my favorite Charge nurse) warns that I better watch out or someday my pranks will come back to haunt me.

I will never let you live this down if you get pregnant.” Lily laughingly declares

No way! I am so done having kids.” I respond to Lily’s teasing laughter. “I will never ever be pregnant again!”

Iktomi and the Dream Catcher

Retribution

It is approximately 4 months since my little, insignificant prank and I am in my doctor’s office to get an IUD placed (IUD is a form of birth control placed in the uterus providing up to 5 years of safe from pregnancy).  It became necessary to switch birth controls because of one of the long term medications I have to take for a chronic illness. It seems this medication interferes with the “Pill” rendering it basically ineffective. So it became necessary to switch birth control methods.

As a precaution it is necessary to do a urine pregnancy test before placing the IUD. After leaving my urine for testing I wait patiently for my doctor to place the IUD so I can run off to do my afternoon errands.

Dr. White comes in smiling. “I just want to double check. Why are you here?”

I came to have my IUD placed.” I respond puzzled. Didn’t we talk about this before? It was a discussion we had because of a review of all my medications. Dr. White had been concerned about mixing those two medications. It was her idea to switch my birth control. Did she really not remember any of this?

Uh, I am sorry, but we cannot place the IUD today. Rae your pregnancy test was positive.” Dr. White said.

Bombshell dropped. Explosives ignited, my mind is going a mile a minute, a war zone of What the F*%@’s, and No ways screaming through my mind. But comprehension is still a long way off. She must be messing with me? This was a joke, right? My husband had gotten to my doctor, this was his revenge.

You are joking, I’m not pregnant.” I try again for the answer I want.

According to your urine HCG results you are pregnant. It is too early to know how far along or if this is a viable pregnancy yet.” Dr. White clarified. “Blah blah blah blah blah blah…” My brain officially stopped working; I cannot remember anything else she said. The only thought running through my head was this was a joke or a huge mistake?

A little while later I leave her office in a daze; I don’t even remember leaving much less going home. I can’t believe this is happening. My husband will never believe me, not after the April’s fool joke I played on him. Lily was going to die laughing at me. I could already hear “I told you so” and how I brought this on myself. At some point I stopped at a drugstore and bought every brand of pregnancy test. Totaling five different chances that the doctors test could be wrong.

Nope, all five pregnancy tests came up with the same result. Lily was right, karma sucks!

coyote_the_trickster_by_hyraxattax-d4azwu2

I found out a couple weeks later that yes it was a viable pregnancy and I was due in April. I was the biggest joke at work and at home. The first due date came up April 1st, the irony!?! I ended up getting a second ultrasound  about10 weeks later with an April 14 due date. I stuck with the April 14th out of shear stubbornness.   Some part of me still believed this was a joke and that I would wake up from this alternate reality any day now. Still waiting…

April was fast approaching and my belly was even faster in growing. I was now positive that I was pregnant (Ha ha!). Somehow, I still suspect that it is was all my husband’s revenge.

After a waterfall emerged in our kitchen when a water pipe exploded, causing the ceiling to collapse, we were forced to take refuge in a hotel while the water is off and repairs made. My husband and the kids seem a little down and I have to work extra nights to cover costs.

April 1st comes around again and we are still stuck in a hotel. The tension from the stress is almost unbearable. Even though I have sworn never to play another April fool’s joke again, I feel something must be done…

In the tiny hotel bathroom, while getting ready for work, I pour a cup of water on my scrub bottom’s and go tell hubby dearest that my water broke. Let’s just say “bad idea” horrible results. No amusement this time around. I have so lost my ability to be funny. Off to work with my sorry self.

Friday, April 13th, 2007, the kids are watching a movie while I cook dinner and try to get ready for work. The contractions had begun a couple of hours earlier in the day. Today is Friday the 13th, so I really did not want to go into labor on this day. I am hopeful I can get through at least half my shift before I deliver; even 4 hours of my shift would make him an April 14th baby.

That hope lasted until 5:45pm. Now the contractions are coming every two to three minutes and I am miserable. I call my husband at work and tell him I have to go to the hospital. I call the charge nurse to warn her about my situation. I am really regretting driving myself in by the time I only get half way to the hospital. .

Luckily, I made it safely, parked and entered my workplace as the patient for once. As soon as I stepped into the lobby I am greeted by a woman who tries to usher me into a birth tour. A large group of pregnant women and their partners are there talking, excited, waiting for the tour to begin. No sooner as they look at me waiting for my introduction than another contraction hits.

I have never in my life seen heavily pregnant women move so fast in retreat! It was like I was a contagious disease. If I was not in so much pain I would have laughed. I wanted to tell them it was a little to late to try and avoid this outcome, they were already infected!

I work in Labor and Delivery, so the charge nurse sees me out of my scrubs in obvious pain and all she can say is “Please tell me you are not in labor!

3 hours and 21 minutes later. my sweet baby boy is born. My loveable, mischievous April fool’s joke gone wrong, my Friday the 13th demon child is a sweet cuddly baby boy. Even though I no longer work in Labor and Delivery that story still haunts these hospital corridors. My best and last April Fool Joke.

By Rae Rose

Rae Rose (Paiute, Mayan, Japanese) is an Indigenous writer based in the NW. Follow her @Rae_Rose7

Rae Rose (Paiute, Mayan, Japanese) is an Indigenous writer based in the NW. Follow her @Rae_Rose7

 

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